The Rule Book
by annaoi
Summary: ONE SHOT. Letting her choose for their second date can cause a lot of... complications. (My first Clois fic ever)


_Author's Note: I took a break from my busy life and found time writing this! (I only had a 5 hour window so this was rushed). This is my first Clois story. I hope you guys like it. As usual, I'll correct the grammar errors when I find them._

* * *

Since he first saw her, he knew he couldn't just sweep her off her feet by being just the guy that saved the world on a daily basis. Being Superman sounded so... unnatural, and quite frankly, it's not what he wanted. Anyone would fall in love with the Man of Steel at first sight, but it's the superficial kind of admiration. He wanted her to fall in love in him by being just who he really is as a person, not because of what he can do and what the world sees him.

So when he asked her out, he said "What do you want to do?"

It was an opportunity to let her see who he is, and again not as the superhero, in her own terms.

Good idea, right?

 _Not._

It was absolutely, completely one hundred percent, idiotic.

"You alright there, Clark?" Lois asked, as she planted her rubber soles on an uneven rock surface.

"I...", he heaved, "I'm fi-" His own rubber shoe betrayed him. Part of that rocky surface gave way. He almost fell. Lois started going back for him. "Clark!"

One of his hands signaled her that he's fine, making Lois stop in her tracks."I'm fine", he added, his voice almost cracking. Apparently, the other hand had been desperately holding onto the wooden stick that he used as a cane.

 _Of all she'd choose to do, why on earth did she want to go hiking?_

It's not like he can't handle it. The problem lies in how he would ace it with no problems at all. Little did Lois know, Clark, the farm boy from Smallville, can easily climb the hills within seconds. Let alone fly to the highet peak. It's only their second date so it was definitely not the right time to tell her all his secrets. He's supposed to be just Clark Kent. And that meant he had to pretend all the way. Pretend that he's not the physical type. Pretend that he'll sweat it. Pretend that when his glasses fall to the ground, he won't see a thing.

In short, he needed to pretend that he's a wimp. A shy, clumsy guy. A normal person, basically

It shouldn't be very difficult, right? He had been pretending to be normal since he was a kid. He should be an expert at this and he knew all the tricks there is to act human… but Lois' presence made him so nervous. Partly because she's one of the smartest women he ever met. And partly because he remembered he wasn't really that great in pretending.

 _Remember when most people in Smallville called you a freak?_

So he had to recall all those rules he made so he can act normal. Starting with…

 **Rule #27: Stick to the character.**

Lois was ahead of him by about five feet. She still looked back at him with concern. She sported a pony tail that made her look a bit too cute, which made Clark all the more attracted to her.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea", she muttered.

Clark walked with less balance than before. The rock face was steep enough to influence the ungraceful movements.

 _It's going to be fine, Clark. Just imagine your bag pack is carrying a huge kryptonite._

When he was nearing her, Lois held out a hand. Clark's palm met hers. He pushed himself with the stick carefully so he won't break it.

"No, it's OK. I think I'm getting the hang of it", he said as he grabbed a bottle of water from his pack and quickly quenched his _fake_ thirst.

"Well are you sure? You look terrible and I don't want to carry you all the way down." Her eyes examined him from head to toe, which meant that he's looking believable so far.

Earlier, Clark managed to make a tiny hole on the water bottle. He just had to soak his hands with the leaked water and dab it on his head and hair, while he pretended to wipe his sweat. He had also discreetly applied water on his armpits.

 **Rule #5: Always bring a water bottle for some fake sweat.**

"No, i-it's OK. I'm fine", he panted, "It's just that I haven't had an exercise like this in weeks."

 _If punching an alien beast three weeks ago would count._

Her expression became lighter. "Huh. I've always thought you work out. With that kind of bulk and all." she shrugged,"But seriously, I think we should rest for a while. Maybe right over there?"

She pointed at an area about thirty paces away. It had more greenery than the rocky path they chose to hike onto. Clark nodded, changing direction, acting relieved. He continued to hold Lois' hand until he found a leveled path.

"So... Lois Lane, a hiking enthusiast. To be honest it's not what I pictured you to be", he commented with a grin.

She smiled back. "I used to hike with my dad all the time when I was young. It only stopped being a tradition when I went to college."

"You never hiked alone?"

When they made it to the grassy part she dropped her pack and sat on the boulder. He did the same."Never. It wasn't the same without him."

He saw her eyes reminisce. Her lips curved up at a random memory.

He just watched her, in awe of this side of her he never knew before. Lois Lane, the fearless reporter, was always feisty and driven. She has the city girl image but with sense of integrity that most didn't possess. He admired her spunk since the beginning. Now, he realized that he also admired this Lois Lane, the woman who found peace with nature and a memory.

"This is actually the first time I hiked with a person other than Dad", she uttered, as she twisted the cap of her own water bottle.

"Really?"

"Yep"

"How come?" he asked with an eyebrow higher than the other

With a sly look she replied "Let's just say I've been saving the hiking partner position for someone special."

He blushed and he couldn't do anything about it.

She smiled mischievously, sealed the bottle with the cap and put the bottle back in the pack.

"Break's over, Smallville. We have a whole forest to pass through. Now, are you really sure you can continue?"

"Yes", he replied.

"Positive?"

"Positive."

 **Rule #73: Don't overplay the wuss card.**

He followed her into the woods with the same fake fatigue as they continued on the trail, she told more stories about her father, about how he taught her everything from surviving in the forest to building atent, about how she wished she could still remember every lesson.

"... Even I couldn't remember how to make a bonfire out of just sticks. It's actually pitiful that I brought matches", she chuckled "Seems like metropolis turned me into one of those city bimbos"

"Nah. I'm a guy and you already beat me in this, so if that doesn't say 'capable', I don't know what does."

She gave him that amused look. "If you're saying that to impress me, please don't stop"

He laughed.

"And we won't need a bonfire anyway. Unless you want to spend the night here…"

"Don't push it, Kent", she replied with enough hint of humor, "It's only our second date"

"I honestly just thought about camping."

She narrowed her gaze.

"Just. Camping." He sternly defended.

"Riiight. Sure, I believe you" she muttered jokingly. She laughed soon after, clearly making him blush again.

He laughed along with her to mask his embarrassment for his accidental attempt on making advances. That and he replayed the phrase "I suck at this" over and over again in his head...

Then he heard it approaching from afar. A rustling noise, but something big entirely

"How long before we reach the highest hill?", he suddenly asked.

"About an hour, why?", she said while turned around to continue on their path.

"Just asking", he shrugged.

 **Rule #13: Maintain composure when danger is undetected by people around you.**

He heard it again and it roared. This time it's nearer and it moved faster. Clark readied himself for the inevitable.

"What was that?", she said, obviously noticing it for the first time. She was holding on a fallen branch of a tree and gripped it a little too tight.

Clark dropped his act for a second and walked faster.

 _Date's over, we have to get out of here._

As soon as he reached her side, the huge animal appeared about twenty feet away. Its pitch black eyes found them. The dark coat made it more menacing than what people had originally imagined it. Clark imagined the claws and the fangs even though it's not visible yet. It was definitely different seeing it in person than just seeing it on those nature programs.

For the second time, it roared. It stood up with its hind legs supporting entirely. Probably making itself look intimidating by instinct.

On the other hand, like any other person that would encounter it, Lois was petrified. He heard her heart beat faster. Luckily, she was only standing still, not making any sudden movements. Clark did the same.

"Uh... there's a bear" he commented cautiously.

"I know that. We're probably in its territory" she whispered nervously.

"So...", he gulped, "what do we do?"

 **Rule #42: Act dumb and scared while assessing the situation.**

The grizzly went back on all fours, breathing heavily, studying the two intruders. Its breathing was ragged with fury. It seemed to be waiting for something. Remembering that Animal Planet special on the grizzlies, Clark knew it would run very fast.

 _Now... how can I get Lois to safety?_

"Just stand still", she advised nervously

"Ok... Good idea... but what's next?", he said continuing on the façade.

"Um... Run?" Now she soundedgenuinely scared.

"Uh... are you sure?" he exclaimed.

As if the bear knew what they were talking about, it charged ferociously. Meanwhile, Lois was still standing still, too afraid to move. Clark pushed her, early enough for the bear's paw to miss her head by an inch. Both dropped on the ground while the bear hit the tree that was behind them. It shook its head and regained the focus on them.

Quickly, Clark stood up, intending to make the distraction.

"Hey! Hey! This way!" he called to the animal.

It worked. The bear turned to him and began approaching.

"Run!" he shouted.

"What about you!?"

"Don't worry about me! Just run now! RUN!"

She obeyed, sprinting while making worried glances at him.

Just when Lois disappeared into the trees, the bear made another swipe with its paw, but Clark was able to block it with just one hand.

"You just ruined my date, Yogi. Don't make it worse"

The dumb animal made another attempt while roaring. Clark casually blocked it again.

"I warned you."

He grabbed the bear by its furry skin and flew up low enough not to be noticed by Lois if she happens to be looking up. He flew to the opposite direction while he held the wiggling bear. He saw a denser patch of woods a few kilometers away.

"Time to relocate you to the nicer part of the forrest" he said to the dumb animal.

He flew as fast as he can with the bear safe on his grip. There's only one thing to worry about...

 **Rule #7: Fabricate a story on how you survived certain death.**

* * *

 _I never told him I know about him being Superman_ , she thought to herself.

 _Well, to be honest... It was just a hunch._

Lois had been planning this for a long time, ever since she suspected that he wasn't who he said he was. That jawline made some impression. And those blue eyes never seem to leave her mind. When she tried to investigate him, he would always act normal and composed, which led her to not finding a hint of the Kryptonian dressed as a normal guy. Clark was indeed the clumsy, shy, colleague from work. A nobody that blended in so well. So it stayed just a hunch and she had forgotten all about it.

Until he asked her out.

At first, she considered turning him down. But... how can she turn him down? He was so nice to her. He held the door, pulled the chair, waited before she finished talking, helped her with her work, and always made coffee for her... The man was the ultimate gentleman even when she wasn't in the best behavior. Because of that, It would be crime to say "no" to him, but it would be an even bigger crime not to take this opportunity to make him open up about being a certain man with the red cape.

Their first date came and he had acted demure as usual. But to her surprise, he had looked very handsome in a tux. Too handsome, even when he still wore that thick-framed glasses.

And the way he blushed when she complimented him.

 _Ugh... So adorable_.

So unfortunately, Lois got too distracted by the actual date that she never got him to admit it. But the night didn't feel like a bust entirely. He was nice. She was nice. It was an enjoyable night after all.

When he asked her out again, she vowed to make things harder for him to hide the secrets. It all became oh so perfect when he said those words.

"What do you want to do?"

She had something in mind, some techniques she could use to make it harder for him to pretend.

 **Rule #11: Make him sweat**

It proved to be an easy choice, as he made a nervous smile when she proposed him the one-day hiking trip. Not to disappoint, he really did try his best when they got to the steepest trail. He was sweating and being clumsy, but that didn't really reveal anything out of the ordinary.

The one thing that gave him away was his scent. No man has ever smelled so great when sweating that much.

He was probably using water from the bottles in his pack. If he really is Superman, he could've used his super speed to make soak himself without her noticing it.

Nice. Very nice. The next thing to do is to add a little pressure.

 **Rule #63: Show off your best asset.**

No, not the usual lady curves. It was her hair. Men she dated had a thing for her long, silky, black hair. They had almost gone to the point of drooling when she'd wear a pony tail.

And true enough, when she showed it off, Clark was blushing all over the place. It shouldn't take too long before he breaks his act.

But then his awkward smile and that shy look made her swoon, even more than the fact that the fake sweat made his shirt translucent enough for his impressive abs to show. She had never expected him to have this effect on her, especially not like this. She would go for the tough guys (hence, the Superman admiration), but not the shy types.

Why is Clark Kent getting to her? Did she have crush on him all along? Is it why she said 'yes' when he asked her out?

Just when she thought things couldn't be more interesting, that ugly, scary bear showed up.

 _Perfect! He could save me! Do that "up, up and away" thing like he always does!_

Surely, he couldn't let her get mauled or eaten. So she stayed put, even though she was scared to death.

 **Rule #3: Be the damsel in distress.**

"So... what do we do?"

 _What do you mean "what do we do"? Wear that cape and save me!_

When it was taking him too long to do it, that's when doubts started flooding in. What if Clark was just Clark? What if his sweat just really smelled nice? It dawned on her. Her hunch wasn't going to be true.

He pushed her in time, distracted the bear to save her and insisted that she run away. Certainly, that wasn't a mark of any acts of "super" heroism. That was just plain heroism. Simple yet poignant.

After all of that, she found herself all alone in the forest, crying. She had left Clark to die and that wouldn't have happened if she hadn't brought him here.

It was all her fault.

 **Rule #... Ah screw it!**

Sobbing, Lois managed to get back to the trail where it went down. She didn't find Clark anywhere, just trees, rocks and boulders. And no bear in sight as well.

"C-Clark?" she croaked.

Silence.

"Where are you?"

She only heard the wind that made the leaves of the trees rustle.

Not hearing any replies made her drop to her knees and cry even more. Her palms where on her face. Her body was shaking. Her mind that longed for him conjured a memory of a day in the newsroom with him watching her, smiling, and encouraging her when she felt terrible. She wanted Clark Kent and nothing more _. But how can that be? He's gone forever._

Then it just hit her... She has feelings for him after all. Not just a crush, but some kind of deep dependence. Some kind of care that she would only reserve for someone special.

Not because of the hunch. But because of just how he had always been the nicest guy there is, especially with her. Especially when she wasn't the nicest companion. She had taken him for granted and he had liked her anyway enough to ask her out.

He liked her just the way she is. And now, she had missed the opportunity to say the same.

"Lois, you're such an idiot", she said to herself.

* * *

His heart ached when he heard her sobs. He wanted to comfort her. Badly.

He hoped his messy appearance was enough to convince Lois of what he would tell her. If she asks, that is. He was worried that the claw marks he made on his shirt didn't look realistic.

He waited for a few minutes to show himself. When she went quiet, it was his cue. He pushed the bushes to the sides, slowly made his way towards her and acted so exhausted.

"Lois?" he called a bit weakly.

She turned around. Her eyes widened, she immediately go up and ran to him. It happened so fast that Clark didn't see the hug that he was about to receive.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he slowly wrapped her in his arms.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, "

Then without warning, she planted her lips onto his, uncaring that he doesn't have a scratch on him.

 **Rule #81: Try not to levitate when she's kissing you.**

* * *

 _Author's Note: I recently watched the Revenant, so that inspired the small bear action. Anyways, I gotta get back to work._


End file.
